Hey Mister President!

Dear Mr. President,

Welcome to The White House. While I haven't actually been there myself, I hear it's pretty nice. I mean, where else can they actually re decorate your bedroom, unpack your stuff, hang your pictures, put away your underwear, put your toothpaste and Listerine through a security check and stock your kitchen with organic food all while you go to church and then on to get your job description read to you by the Chief Justice. I wonder if they have security cameras in the bathrooms. I mean, can the secret service see you when you are doing your own personal secret service? I hear the food is pretty good too. Today you ate lobster, scallops, fancy chicken, sweet potato casserole and apple cinnamon coffee cake with vanilla icing . . . hey, I thought you were watching your diet? It's also nice to see that traffic will not a problem for you in our Nation's capital - they parted the streets kinda like Moses at the Red Sea. And that company car? They call it the BEAST! I wonder if it has little knife blades that pop out of the hub caps and zebra print seat covers? I know you were jiving to some Bow Wow and Soja Boy on the CD player. (I probably would have been too!) But seriously Mr. President, who laid out your family's clothes for today? Maybe it was Grandma - or probably Oprah. Your wife had on a pea green dress in a color that looked like my baby's diapers when they were sick, she had on gloves that looked like they were made from E.T.'s extra neck skin, and shoes that she robbed from the funeral home. And the first daughters - while very cute and sporting good hair - looked like they were wearing costumes from the Disneyworld Princess costume closet - pink and orange and neon blue. And you with your purple scarf that you wore while watching the parades- where was your red or your blue? You know, the flag colors from the nation that elected you? Even the gay and lesbian marching band that played had on red, white, and blue - (come to think of it they were wearing pink and orange, and purple and green too!) And who invited the gays and lesbians to play anyway? Must have been Joe Biden. How do you even get into a gay and lesbian marching band? I heard on CNN that the last line of their contract says "I swear on my honor to never be attracted to a member of the opposite sex in order to get to play the tuba with the band on my days off". Oh well, change has come to America. And I do wish you all the best, Mr. President. Believe me, I sure hope that you can get our economy straightened out and stop all these home foreclosures, and create some more jobs for the unemployed. I just hope that we don't lose our identity as a nation in the process. Nah, Clinton didn't do any permanent damage that George couldn't straighten out. (Except for all the terrorist stuff that was really all Clinton's fault anyway because he didn't take Bin Laden seriously - he just took Monica too seriously.) Let's all hope and pray that you can put our money where your mouth is. Good Luck. Let me know how it all turns out. Nah, the ladies on The View will do a pretty good job of keeping mus informed.